Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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