I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
