i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
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