the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
