ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize