We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
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If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
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Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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