From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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