and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
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i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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