the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Randomize
