Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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