Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize