i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
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On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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