So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
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He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
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Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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