her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
