Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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