the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize