He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Edward fifth and chaser hands
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
