just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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