My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
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