Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
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