hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
