i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
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you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?