i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you