dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.