How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.