bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
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Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
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Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.