I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
We just shotgunned beers for America
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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