I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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