Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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