So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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