Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Randomize
