if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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