He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
