my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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