No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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