She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
