if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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