I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
