there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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