You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
