i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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