im six kinds of drunk right now
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
i believe in u and ur pee
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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