just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
