he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
