hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
