Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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