just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
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