I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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