Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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