You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
He shit in the fireplace
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