Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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