i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
