At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
