I'm jealous of your bromance
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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